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Birthname:
Katherine Noelle Holmes
Assets:
Cute with a deceptively nice bossom
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Vices:
Highly impressionable, married to Tom Cruise, Scientologist, being around her causes prostate cancer, is not dead
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Hobbies:
Running from Scientology
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What started out as a decent career as an adorable actress has turned into a sideshow worthy of Ringling Brothers. Katie’s always been ranked highly on the hot-o-meter, but now she ranks just as h ighly on the “crazy-o-meter,” just behind Courtney Love and Mariah Carey. This of course is all due to the marrying of renowned Scientologist and sometimes actor Tom Cruise, and her pregnancy that followed. She hasn’t been asked a question about her acting work since.
Life Story
Holmes was born in Toledo, Ohio, the youngest of five children. A 4.0 student, Katie was accepted to Columbia University. In 1997 a casting director watched a performance by Holmes and cast her in the 1997 film “The Ice Storm.” Shortly after she read for the part Joey Potter in the sitcom Dawson’s Creek, a television pilot about teenagers who speak in uncomfortably long sentences, using mostly words in excess of 12 letters. She was cast and the show became a hit.
From there her career exploded, and she made the jump to feature films, playing the lead role in “Disturbing Behavior” a film about teenagers who speak in incredibly short sentences, using mostly words less than five letters. The film was panned but a star was born. Sort of. She went on to make several more teen films, none of which were huge hits, but achieved some commercial success. Then, in 2000, she took a supporting role in the film “The Gift,” with Cate Blanchett, that won the hearts of men everywhere. Three quarters of the way into the film she bared her breasts, giving men everywhere, from all different backgrounds and ethnicities, a common talking point.
Her career continued, starring mostly in movies, but it wasn’t until late 2005 that she made the choice to date controversial mega-star Tom Cruise. The paparazzi and tabloids jumped on the relationship but Holmes and Cruise did not shy away. This prompted the famous incident where Cruise appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” jumping on her couch and vociferously professing his love for Holmes, unaware that the entire human race would react to this act by wondering if he was “drink-your-own-urine” crazy. Though more scrutiny followed, Holmes became a Scientologist, prompting reporters to wonder whether Cruise had brainwashed her because he himself is crazy.
Katie has been brain washed by the cult of Scientology. She has been forced to stay away from her family as a result of their attempts to sway her away from the evil that is the church of scientology. xenutv.com dhcradio.fm
On April 16, 2006, Holmes gave birth to her and Cruise’s first child, Suri. Though the alien baby has yet to speak, it has claimed Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard as it’s leader and God, through a series of eye blinks and burps.
Stuff she’s done, ie: movies, tv, albums:
Batman Begins, Dawson's Creek, Thank You For Smoking, Pieces of April, Ice Storm, Disturbing Behavior, Phone Booth, The Gift, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, The Ice Storm
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